the recovering mute-finding your lost voice

The rage you carry in your chest and on your shoulders, the razor sharp and powerful anger that rises up and roils silently behind your eyes-that’s the voice you lost. Correction, that’s the voice you gave away, or allowed to be silenced by the narcissistic ego of another you held in higher esteem than yourself. You bowed into silence beneath the slicing words, the demeaning and irritated looks, the years of inconsideration and negligence that slowly silenced the voice of your heart, and thus you handed over your power. The power over yourself and the world you create.

You were a victim, a martyr, an oversight, an irritant, an overly sensitive whiner, a needy little fool, a pain in the ass. You pulled one of those t-shirts out every day and put it on, not understanding  that nothing continues to happen to you unless you allow it.

That almost uncontrollable feeling that moves right beneath the surface of your skin? That’s your voice. When your head is down but your eyes narrow ever so slightly and your heart beats just a little faster for a second or two? That’s your voice. The tears you hold back that burn like acid when your lips remain silent? That’s your voice. The dreams that wake you up desperate and sweating? That’s your voice. The urge to floor the accelerator in your car and keep driving west until you’re out of gas and somewhere new?


Listen to it.

It isn’t always true that you reap what you sow. Sometimes you sow love, and dreams, and a beloved destiny and reap neglect, nightmares and loss of self respect. Sometimes you give your whole heart, and they eat it while it’s still beating. You reach out to hold and comfort, and they yank your soul into a wood chipper and use it for ego fuel. Sometimes the people you thought to grow something beautiful with are actually parasites that feed off of your pain and confusion.

Am I alone in this realization? Or can I get an “Amen”?

This is what you know now. You decide what happens to you, what you’ll tolerate, how you’ll live. You decide who treats you well enough to remain in your orbit, and those standards are set by how you treat yourself. You are the one who holds the power over you, you hold the key to your heart’s desire. Like Pandora and her box, you throw the lid open and free yourself, your future and your voice out into the world. You refuse to remain silent. You speak the truth that resonates, and write the words that remove walls.

You are no longer mute, and the truth of you crying out into the universe annihilates the false reality, freeing you to stand tall in the rubble and build your own destiny. Your destiny is joy.

Speak your truth. Take back your power.

Raise your voice.

3 thoughts on “the recovering mute-finding your lost voice

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