The Sweet Spot


So, my loves, I find myself at the pivotal point in dating where you start defining what will work and what will not. We’ve made it through the accelerated fire of the initial phase where all is perfect, magical and intense.

We’ve so far successfully passed the intrusion of reality and differences in communication styles that bring confusion, second thoughts, second guessing and the confabulation that naturally occurs with a lack of information.

We make shit up when we don’t know, don’t we? Communication must have dwindled to feeble and generic because I stumbled into some bad lighting, spoke a little too honestly, showed a little too much of my heart, or holy shit…

Maybe I’m not all that and a bag of chips after all.

I’m happy to say that while I did lock into “chick mode” for a short time, I snapped myself out of it and asked what I wanted to know. Then let it go to unfold as it would. We are both busy people with family, friends and work. I wouldn’t long be dating a guy who didn’t put his kids in the priority position. I wouldn’t respect or admire that at all.

It seems that even the most authoritative, confident communicators tend to falter a bit and struggle when it comes to their personal relationships. I get that. I used to hesitate plenty, edit too much and accept too little. Not any longer.

Life’s too short to bullshit and play games so I just say or ask what matters to me.

I love that he does the same, even when it’s hard to find the words. I love wrapping my arms around the intrusions of reality that I quietly waited for, wondering what would become of us then. Would he take the easy way and ghost? Guarding a potential treasure is hard work. A lot of us aren’t up to the task because we haven’t learned how rare it is to find like hearts and endless potential.

But some of us know this well, and hold the line.

This is what I can report of my findings thus far…when I see his face, whether it’s after 4 hours or 4 days and I ask him how he is, and he wraps me up, brings me close and just breathes me in…

It is still for me, perfect, magical and intense.

No matter what intrudes.

 

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The Beatitudes


For those of us who have wondered at the wars and the rumors of wars that come with keeping the faith in the possibility of the perfect date, I present to you proof from the front lines…

I have to write this down while it is fresh in my mind. My findings are astonishing.

He will text you, then call you, then ask to meet you. He’ll call you before you leave home to make sure you know where to go and when. In spite of knowing you can kick ass and take names if you have to, he will ask what you drive so he can look for you, and open your car door when you arrive so you will not feel awkward walking in alone to meet a stranger.

From the moment he sees you and for the 3 hours that follow, you will know that you are the most beautiful, interesting, intelligent and intriguing woman he has ever known.

You will, for the first time, believe it without any doubts.

He will take your jacket, pull out your chair, look at you as if he’s won the jackpot. His confidence lacks any arrogance that repels, he’s strong enough to be easy in the touching of your shoulder, your hair, your hand.

Not once do you have to defend your space because he guards it himself.

You’ll talk with the ease of years and the fascination of new, a sense of recognition in each surprise uncovered. You’ll wonder why it’s effortless when everything has always been hard.

There is a mutual wonder that you’re next to each other, breathing the same air…

It’s now what I call Star Date 13 and we’ve been together 11 of these days. I begin to over-analyze as I am wont to do when faced with something new and amazing…

Dating someone strikes me as a potentially religious experience. When I went through the phase of studying various religions, I remember the universal feeling that was the base of each one before individuals (or groups of them) bastardized them into rituals of ego and self-validation.

They both start off with the feeling of love, wonder and open-ness don’t they? Then you begin to sink in over time, and carefully unwrap layers of the unknown. This is when human nature kicks in and you may begin to uncover (much to your dismay) the actions and attitudes of burning the witch and stoning the harlot when you don’t match up to their pre-conceived notions of you.

You find yourself at times uncovering those who try to buy their way into heaven with shallow kindnesses and thinly veiled corrections while consigning you to “hell” with their judgments based on who they wish you/they really were. This is the beginning of the end of times.

The celebration becomes silence, the glory dims and the dreams fade to gray.

This is only one possibility. The other is that you embrace and enjoy the wonder of each other, accepting every damn thing that made each of you into the person that has rendered the other star-struck. You welcome the story of every trauma and heartbreak that gave you the sum total of the human being who has chosen to be with you.

You may decide to guard the treasure, fight the demons of conformity and become more than the sum of your experiences thus far. You could let go of the shit that limits you to everything you’ve had before and gives you a miracle.

It’s an option.

Blessed are the brave at heart, for they shall know love.