Straight Talk to Myself


Girl, really? I’ve time traveled 10 years back in time to get us jumpstarted, and you’ve got to listen up.

WAKE. UP.

If you don’t listen to me now, you’ll wait another 8 years before your first attempt to really love yourself. You’ll keep shit talking yourself, you’ll ignore the burning in your gut to write yourself into the world, you’ll continue to numb yourself into a state of suspended animation. You’ll fight that inner rage very few suspect you harbor inside; damaging your heart and your spirit.

There is no one like you. Go look in the mirror. Love yourself NOW. Believe in yourself NOW. Stand up and create healthy boundaries all around you NOW. Write your heart out, send it everywhere in the world you can, set your eyes on the life you want to create and do it NOW.

BEGIN.

I know the fire is in there, it burns me alive, so I know it’s in you somewhere. You’ll feel the power grow with every part of you that you reclaim for yourself, for us. You’ll feel crazy and caged, furious and philosophical, insignificant and all powerful. It’s all good, it all counts, but you need to get your ass in gear NOW.

No more excuses. You decide who we are, what we believe, what we want to learn and where we want to go.

No whining. I know, and so will you, that all this shit (all 42 years of it for you) was totally needed to turn our hearts into a magnificent conflagration. Burn that shit down baby sister. Burn those bridges, chains, and the expectations of others. Set your whole self on fire. Light the world UP. Laugh your ass off when you fall on it, and get up and kick some more.

I love you. Don’t wait. Be the Wolf, be the Phoenix, be Shelly in living color.

Gotta go, I’ve got worlds to create, and nothing but life as far as the eye can see.

Can’t wait till you get here.

Love and Ass-kicking

52 year old You. ❤

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The Howling


I feel her rising up inside me more and more frequently, closer to showing herself each time. I never know what will call to her, or what I’ll do (God help me) when she finally answers. The spirit cries out before the action springs forth. She paces deliberately to and fro within my heart and mind, not trying to find a way out, but pacing…pacing…waiting for me to be aware and willing.

She talks to me in the urge to drive until I run out of gas to see what exists for me there. She tells me not to live the damage I’ve sustained, but instead to devour it, absorb it into us to use as the fuel it’s meant to be~to propel us forward into the wild. She rises up from somewhere deep inside, far beyond my soul, and when we are one and the same~for that breath of a moment~I am free, powerful, and eternal.

She throws back her head and howls into the silence when I’m lost in beauty, in pain, in rage, in defense of all things beloved. She growls and whimpers when I lock myself again into a daily life that restricts me and fears that conflict me. She lifts her head in challenge, scenting my desire for the natural order of things, which in no way resembles the life I lead.

She is the Mother, the Lover, the Warrior, the Destroyer, the Queen that I’ve watered down to the weak, palatable, watercolor version of me the world sees as acceptable. There are times she trembles in fury at my acceptance of lesser than.

I’m beginning to agree with her.

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”~George Carlin

She is changing me.

The nights she remains silent, I’m heavy with an unbearable sorrow. No longer willing to be the lap dog, I begin to feed the wolf, and the more I feed her, the stronger I become. She urges me to find my pack, so that we can run together in spirit, if nothing else…there are others lost in a paralysis of civilization that must be set free; who refuse to be put down.

“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ~Rudyard Kipling

I am the evidence she exists. She is the reason I exist still. I hear her howling, listen…she calls me by name.

I look into the mirror, and as my eyes change~so does my reflection.

“To look into the eyes of a wolf is to see your soul.
Just be sure something you want to view is there.”~Unknown

I am the evidence. There are others like me.

Hear the Howling.

Leap


You’re not ‘crazy’

For wanting more;

Wanting to become more.

It’s not insanity

To need to do different

Or be different.

You have every right,

No, an obligation

To yourself

To take everything

In your heart

And hold it close

As you fling all you are

Into the unknown~

Throwing your arms open,

Defiantly

Sharing your soul

Ready or not.

It matters not at all

That your knees knock

And your hands

Tremble.

What matters

More than anything

Is the courage it took

To leap.

~Shelly~

Welcome Home


Thank you…

for going where

I could not bear to go…

For risking your life

When I could not risk mine…

for running towards

the terrible things I shrink from…

For bearing scars

on your heart to spare

my own…

I honor you

for the intention

and integrity you carried

into the nightmare

of someone else’s war…

for being willing

to stand between

innocence and harm…

For bearing witness

to images and actions

no one should ever have to see…

there are those who serve

with all that they are

and those who are grateful

and love them…

I am one.

~Shelly~

Living in Exile~The Return of the Queen


I am being called to return from Exile. I don’t even remember the Kingdom that calls to me, only that it does. I’d heard, at first faintly, the call of a world that is not complete without me, a purpose unclaimed, a life not lived to full capacity. The call grows ever louder, the pull in my heart stronger, to abandon my self imposed Exile and step up to the throne I abdicated~the one waiting, empty, in my own soul.

It frightens me, because there are many who do not wish me to reclaim that which is mine. Those who have dragons trained to use fire, and tail, and claws, and terrible teeth to burn, crush, and tear anything that causes them fear or discomfort. If I remain in exile, they retain all the power and benefits that are rightfully mine, those I have never lifted a hand to claim as my own.

I approach the edges of what has become the Kingdom of Misery, and I am haunted by an image super-imposed over all I see; a forgotten dream of such power and beauty that it brings tears to eyes long gone dry. The tears pull a fire up through my heart, a longing so strong and deep that I cry out, unable to deny it.

As I draw closer, I see the dragons rise and circle above me; fear, blame, shame, doubt. They dive, circle and claw at this heart and mind already so heavily scarred. I am relentless in my taking of the next step…and the next. The power in my heart is growing, the closer I get to the center of it all; this land of my destiny. The dragon wounds have only released the poison festering inside me, and it drains drop by drop as I approach The Beginning.

What they thought would stop me has only made me stronger, the fear I face has only made me more courageous.

The Sandpaper people who guard the walls begin to tremble and retreat, unsure of whether to adjust or flee these new circumstances, this new reign brought into power by the Return of the Queen. I will let them do as they will~I cannot let that matter to me now.

As I draw ever closer, I see lights flicker from hidden places disguised as Hopelessness, and the new clarity of my vision allows me to see those who long to run to me, throw their arms around me, and shout their welcome to the Heavens.

Oh my God, I can name them now! I remember them!

They are Joy, and Truth, and the twins Love and Acceptance. Right behind them are Forgiveness, Understanding and Hope.

The dragons above me begin to swoop and dive in a greater frenzy, and all those welcoming me home cringe in fear. I cannot lose them again, I will not. I raise my hands to the darkening sky, and with all the power won from a thousand lifetimes I speak a new world into existence, My World.

And I say…

You Have No Power Here.

And then, I smile.

Regeneration


Water your garden

my friends;

pull the weeds

of self doubt and insecurity~

plant only the most

beautiful of blooms in the softness

of your Heart.

Choose your seeds carefully;

see in your mind

your future Masterpiece~

the stunning

impact of color that awes

the Soul,

reminding those who bear witness

to ask more

of themselves.

Fence your garden

my friends;

not to keep others out

or yourself

trapped within~

but to make healthy boundaries

allowing massive growth,

and room to breathe.

Open then to inviting others to stop

and take in the beauty

you’ve created

in the Landscape

of your Life.

~Shelly~

Warrior


Steady yourself~

the fury of your Circumstances

cannot overcome

the Truth of you; your inner path.

Lift your head high;

it carries a wealth of wisdom

from painful lessons

learned from facing Everything

in life

with Courage.

Dislodge the pettiness

from those shoulders where

responsibility rests,

and let it fall

ever so appropriately

on those who created it.

Unforeseen situations

will always arise,

as will unwanted opinions.

Nothing you face today,

not one single thing

changes who You are…

Your heart remains ever

Loving, and your Soul ever

Shining and untarnished.

Smudges you think you wear

show only on the faces

of those throwing the dirt~

never on the Warrior

refusing to succumb

to mediocrity…

Live your Truth.

~Shelly~