I blended in perfectly as the Liar. The choices I made to be liked, and admired and accepted moved me to the front of the line for that title. I wasn’t aware I was a liar, so to speak, for a very long time, but I can tell you now that in retrospect, some part of me knew I ditched myself. I settled, and I went along, just rollin’ with the homies. I welcomed the lobotomy of my life with open arms.

It’s time to get married.

I’ve got to move up in this job I hate.

I need to go to college.

Quit whining, this is just the way it is.

I’ve got to do this, achieve this, have this to be somebody.

I did logical things, made sensible decisions, worked hard to achieve the next title, studied things I hated and turned myself inside out to ace them. I brainwashed my own damn self to believe that all these things gave me value, made me special, and skilled and in great demand. Fuck.

I realized that I was somebody already, just as I was. I didn’t have to put on this dog and pony show to have value. I mattered simply because I took my next breath. I didn’t have to climb a ladder that took me to nowhere. I didn’t have to be who the world expected me to be, it didn’t have to be so hard.

When I finally realized that-I was pissed.

Enter the Bitch. Maybe I blamed my mother for wanting me to go to college and achieve greatness, or my friends for getting married and having homes and children, or society for silently pressuring me to be socially acceptable. Maybe it was my husband’s fault that I dealt with things I flat out had to rebel against. Why did I have to work this job, clean this house, study for years, and suck it up while I let life suffocate me?

Aha. I let it all happen because I had no clue who I was. I hadn’t met myself, or paid attention to what mattered to me. I was so busy rebelling against, I put no thought into what I should have been fighting for. I had to admit, in the end, that I was the only one who could make my life other than.

Thus, the warrior was born.

It’s crazy-mad-awesome to be a warrior. I say “no” when I feel I need to. I say “yes” when I want, even if it’s not popular to do so. I throw myself into things just to see what I think about them. I speak the truth, no matter how kindly, or I don’t speak at all. The circumstances I can’t change are temporary pauses while I create other choices for myself. I know I can change everything in my life by simply deciding to.

Enter wisdom.

Now comes timing, judgment and grace. Transformation needs a balance of courage and caution, wisdom and wild, fury and forgiveness. It’s balancing on a high wire with my sword in one hand, and my dreams in the other. It’s knowing there’s no net if I fall, but I just don’t give a shit because the journey is too important.

This is where the rubber meets the road. There are those who fail me. I let them go. There are those who talk to me as if I were holding myself hostage. I say no, I negotiated my own release. There are those certain that I’m having some kind of break down, I laugh and say I’m not breaking down, I’m breaking out. This is my Shawshank Redemption.

I’m just a Warrior fighting my way home…will you join me?

How do you find the true you in the mass of everyday ridiculous? How do you find your purpose, your meaning when you’re buried under daily life? How do you face and embrace the fear of change when, with no effort at all, you can have complacency? Why would you leave the safety of what you know behind you, when the step you’ve never taken is so intimidating? Why? And How?

A hard, and glorious odyssey. A lie-defying quest. A pilgrimage to locate your heart.

You will need to answer tough questions to draw a map to find the treasure that is you. What do you long for in the moments you become still? When you feel dissatisfaction, what is it you’re missing? Those times you wonder if you really matter, what is it you most want to offer up to the world? When you dream of the lover you wish you had, have you encouraged (or allowed) yourself to be the version of you capable of attracting such a phenom and living that life? Are you the type of person you’re looking for?

No? Well there you go.

What do you need to grow, or uncover within you to be what you long for, to create what you’re missing, to have an overflow of the heart to give to the world you live in. If you maximize the potential of you, and love you, and pour yourself 100 proof into the Universe…you’re gold. Your question will be which one instead of wishing for one, and you won’t mind waiting, because you will have realized that you’re more than a match for your future partner.

You’re the cats pajamas.

You begin to make your efforts purposeful instead of mechanical. You take care of yourself, and breathe, and allow what you feel to sink into you. You quit  feeling sorry and develop active compassion. When you feel lack in your life, you give to another in need. You help someone else realize they matter and give encouragement, and you love someone by letting them drain the pain of their day by listening-with your heart open and your mouth shut.

You must create within what you wish to see without.

Your integrity grows when you quit breaking the promises you make to yourself. You become a force to be reckoned with in your own life by choosing who you will be instead of trying to meet someone else’s expectations. You decide to get up and do what you say you will-and be who you decide you are. Period. No whining.

I ain’t playin’.

Look for the clues, listen carefully, seek out all the hidden and undeveloped parts of you and bring them into the open. Be real. Put yourself out there. Live a life worth writing about. I dare you.

Olly olly oxen free!