If you ever find yourself in the circumstance where you learn you’re going to lose your father, then you ditch your job of 22 years, the home you love, then start all over with them at home looking for work that matters to you, then you lose your pups because they can’t stay with you and your parents because of oxygen hoses and the fear of them causing a fall, and then the person you’re seeing is going through his own stuff and can’t be counted on to keep your heart safe, and you get promoted into something new, and then again, and then your daddy dies…
And your momma grieves herself to the point that it is almost unbearable in the next year and you see it coming, and your guy ditches you to see what in the world is out there until he decides you’re the one out of however many, and then your momma dies in her sleep after removing her wedding rings the only time you’ve ever known her to do so, wearing a pajama shirt that says “dream of far away places”, and your brother calls you at work to tell you and then somehow you’re looking at her, brushing back the softness of her hair, and feeling the softness of her skin as you hold her hand, and then they take her away too…
Then one of your coworkers, a beautiful hearted woman exactly your age, who was the first to make you feel welcome in a sea of strangeness dies of an aneurysm on a Sunday morning after making a dessert for both her and her husband to enjoy later.
Later…
Sometimes there is no later, so if you ever find yourself in these circumstances, my friend, experiencing this kind of painful, and sadly educational year of life…
I am right here.
I have experience.
I’m left with wedding bands that actually meant something, proof of life and love.
Knowledge of what matters when the rubber meets the road.
Knowing the difference between the words “I love you” and what that looks like in reality…
Treasury agents know that the best way to spot a counterfeit bill is to study what is real…
I grew up with real.
Real, true love with spine and staying power…
I’m holding on to that,
and that’s what I offer.
Now.
There may be no later.
Don’t settle, and don’t be silent.
You are not alone.
Shelly Aspenson ~ Living Write 