Listen


What is it 

that moves you to

linger

just a little longer

in that place 

or conversation

as you’re passing by?

Is it a slight expression,

turn of phrase

or just a feeling

in your gut

that whispers

wait….

Do you almost

recognize

something familiar

with a glint 

of promise where you

expect none?

What is it

that causes you

to turn around and look

again,

to listen just a little 

closer

with a tone that

calls you

softly

to a place of

what if…

and when you’re there,

when you have

no answer,

even if…

I beg you to

listen.

 

 

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Most People…


What if we’re not “most people”? I have developed a very strong distaste for this phrase.  Why is that supposed to make us comply when someone tells us “most people” do this, say this, act this way? Who is supposed to want that, and why? Everybody wants to be unique, swears they are, and still goes through the day like “most people”. It’s depressing to see and participate in such nonsense.

I say screw that noise. Time to recalibrate.

Most people let their relationships peter off (no pun intended) into something that resembles the coyote and the sheepdog cartoon where they say hey to each other and clock in and out. We get up every morning and make it through the work day. We make ends meet. We vacation once a year like our friends do, we drink or smoke or talk shit like our friends do…so we blend. In our own unique way of course.

If we refuse to conform, we do it like our friends do. We even rebel like most people do. We accept as normal the kind of life situations that we might want to re-think if we aren’t most people.

Being most people had me waking up in the morning wondering why the hell I did.

True community, friendship and love comes from authentic people bringing their various gifts and personalities to the mix and strengthening the whole. We bring our strengths into the weave of us and become a marvelous equation of change. We have conversations that stimulate our minds and alter our perceptions…because we’re not most people.

I’ve had people tell me to get a grip; life is not a fairy tale.

What? I’m battling dragons, and demons and trying to recover from the poisonous apple that put me to sleep longer than Rip Van Winkle. I’m growing the hair long enough to get me out of the tower, daring the wolf to blow my house down, I just escaped from the troll under the damn bridge and life is not a fairy tale? Where do you think they come from I ask? Life experiences.

Most people don’t believe in fairy tales. They believe what most people do. Secretly they wonder how to get free of the ogre of discontent, the controlling witch or the asshole of a warlock. But they won’t admit it. They ponder the myths of narcissism, Hades and Pandora’s box and refuse to see the truth behind it all.

None of us are “most people”. We just act like it to play it safe.

We hide the wonder we feel, the magic we hold, the dreams we have. We press ourselves between the pages of “most people” living like a dried flower to reflect upon fondly when we grow old. Might I offer another option?

Why don’t we take root in ourselves and bloom?

 

 

 

 

Taking Flight


Oh, my loves

are you still perched

on the fence

singing about tomorrow, 

not knowing your

direction?

Jump off and make

a decision and I say

if it’s not right

for you

then won’t you know it

much sooner

than sitting there

frozen?

Are you going to sing

about one life

while living another,

or will you become

the force inside

that lifts you

into flight?

Are you adding

power to your life

or diminishing it with

your hesitations?

Who do you

believe you are?

What do you believe

you hold within you now?

Take this spark,

take it and go inside

as only you can,

and then

I will ask you this…

who wrote this song

you sing

as you wait?

Why are you still

on the fence

pulling back from

all you must

lean into

to catch the wind

and soar?

 

 

As You Rise


If you wish to blame them

make it powerful,

let it matter,

say it honestly

and with

conviction…

Blame them 

for the spine you grew,

the lines you drew,

the shit

you won’t take.

Blame them

elegantly

for your rise above

their reach,

your confidence

immune

to their slicing…

Blame them 

eloquently

for your certainty

that you will

prevail,

your attitude

of gratefulness,

your ability to accept

all flaws,

including your own…

Blame them

for your courage

and tenacity

in the face of all

those who doubt you,

for your immovable

force of will

in the face of 

obstacles

that would stagger

the average

mind…

Blame them

fiercely

for the grace you’ve 

grown,

and the compassion

you’ve learned 

to exemplify

from being shown

none…

Blame them

with the integrity

they may not

recognize,

with the dignity

they tried to take

from you…

If you wish to blame them,

then let them feel 

the weight

of all you have become

as you

rise…

 

Last Words


I don’t know how

to fix what is broken…

I have no words

to cross the bridges

harshly burned

to ash…

I cannot see

with any clarity

how to reach

an understanding

I believe in;

to encourage my heart

to be willing

to feel…

I know for certain

it will be a great loss

of possibilities

to give up

and walk away…

I also know

that I refuse to

dishonor

the both of us

by remaining

as we are…

So there is only

one question…

will you help us stay,

or let us

go?

Misconceptions


Since I began referring people to the supplements I take, I have found that, so far, people most frequently ask me for three things. In third place is energy, mood up-lift and stress reduction. Second place is relief from various pains or illnesses. Can you guess number one? Weight-loss.

I want to lose weight, I need to drop a few pounds, I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror anymore, I don’t care if it’s sustainable-if I can get thin, I know I could maintain it. I cry in the dressing room, nothing fits me anymore. I don’t have anything to wear. Nothing looks good. If I could just get back to my regular size, I’d be happy.

No, you won’t. Because you’re unhealthy. The weight is just a by-product of misery.

I can say this because I’ve carried an excess of 75 pounds of fluff, and been 20 pounds too skinny. My doctor has warned me to lose weight and gain some back.

I was miserable both ways.

Let me tell you the truth. Your body is not functioning properly which affects you physically and mentally. Then your poorly functioning mental state feeds you crap (and lies) to further harm your body. It’s a vicious circle.

I’ve been on every diet. I’ve lost what feels like a thousand pounds in my life-time and gained it back. I’ve been so thin that my friends and family whispered and worried. Being unhealthy in any way is a shitty way to live if you don’t have to.

Here is what changed me. Listen to me well.

I gave my body the nutrients it needed in a major way. I take the best supplements I’ve found so far in liquid form so they’d hit my bloodstream in 15-20 minutes.

A week later, I felt so much better physically that I wanted to take a walk, wanted to do yoga in the morning before work, I wanted food that was real instead of fried to a crisp every time, my mind began clearing up and I began to think a little differently.

Instead of “Why me”, I said “Oh, hell no”. I turned in my notice at my second job and re-adjusted my budget so I could have a life.

A properly functioning physiology powers a strong mind.

This results in stress reduction, less depressive behavior, more physical activity, clarity of thought and better decisions for making a better life. Your weight adjusts naturally to its optimal number whatever that is for your frame. You begin to feel better, think better and act better for yourself.

You don’t have to try so hard to maintain equilibrium.

If you owned a Porsche would you sugar the gas tank, egg the paint job and let the oil and transmission fluid run dry? Not unless you’re an idiot. You’d wash and wax that beauty, fill her with premium fuel, and treat her with the best that money could buy.

Nobody slaps a bumper sticker on a Porsche.

Don’t disrespect yourself or your body. The weight will come off when you care for your body, not when you lie to it or trick it into starvation. Your mind will give you quality thoughts when you give it quality input. You will inspire the lives of others by inspiring yourself. You’ll handle stress better, you’ll feel more gratitude and less depressive thoughts because you’ll be equipped to deal with life as it rolls.

There is no magic pill.

You don’t need to take the supplements I do if you don’t want to. But research and take what your body needs. Give yourself what you lack. Take care of that precious gift that is you. I don’t care if you back GNC or me. Back yourself. Take care of you. Please.

Get healthy and the leaner, stronger, healthier thinking  you will naturally appear. It’s science, not magic.

But it will feel like magic.

No Excuses


I’m at a pivotal time in my life. Some would call this a crisis moment, a fork in the road so to speak. I see it simply as a time of frightening and exhilarating clarity of who I’ve been, and why. I see my entire life built upon the constantly changing foundation of what I thought was expected of me. I believed that what I taught myself to be because of that belief, was what gave me value. I lived my life as if my purpose as a human being was dependent upon my giving what was expected.

Now here I am, at 55 years old, holding the knowledge that I screwed myself, and everyone in my life, out of the real deal. I get it, it’s okay. I see and accept what I’ve done to myself, but goddammit if it doesn’t just piss me off at the moment. I’ve been a hot mess posing as someone who has it all together, let me be the first to say it here.

So let me tell you what I’ve learned, and you may do with it what you will.

I have learned that honest communication between us is imperative if we are to have any relationship worth having. I’ve learned that love is a living thing that can be grown to an unbelievable beauty or shoved into a closet for its inconvenience to slowly suffocate until it is no more. Love is a living thing that can thrive and strengthen the environment where it exists or suffer from the poisoning of neglect, thus destroying all that surrounds it with its misery as it dies.

I’ve learned that our lives are an example of what love is to us, and I’ll be damned if that doesn’t scare the hell out of me. The example I’ve set is that love requires constant sacrifice, and the lessening of self. I’ve lived as if it required that I didn’t matter, that I never say “no”, that I turned myself into a mat that it wiped its feet upon. I made myself matter so little to myself (and therefore others) that everyone was a priority before what I wanted was considered. Unfortunately by the time I asked myself what was important to me, I had no idea. None. At. All.

Here is all I know for sure right now.

I know that I want people around me that are brave enough to say when I’ve hurt them, and how. People that are willing to say I’m sorry when they’ve hurt me, and mean it. I want those strong enough to work through the hard shit because our friendship is worth it. I want those who are willing to work hard the same way I am willing to work hard, to build a relationship of value and not just one that skims the surface. I’m tired of the bullshit, the cheap seats and the easy way to nowhere. I’m not just tired of it, I don’t want it in my life at all.

I don’t have time to spend on those who have no courage to really love me.

To be honest, I don’t have time to spend on those I can’t truly love. Because they deserve better and so do I. It’s a ridiculous waste of time to live a half-hearted life in a mediocre way that fits into some la-la-la bullshit of normal. I don’t want normal, I want real. I’m willing to do the real and jump through the hoops that result in looking into the eyes of someone who will go the distance for me. Truly. Someone who deserves me to go the distance for them, and I will because they’ve done the work and matched my resolve and offered their heart. Straight up and without apology. Devil take it, come what may.

That’s the kind of relationship I’ll go to war to preserve.

I don’t want beige. I have no interest in tepid or vague or nerveless little gatherings of comradery. Give me the people who will put themselves on the line for me, start a riot, burn a building. Give me those people and I will give them every bit of that in return. Is that too much to ask?

And if it is, do you mind if I say step aside and let the real ones through?

If you do mind, step aside anyway. These words and this life aren’t for you.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. It took me half a century to figure it out.

No more excuses.