Wars and Rumors of Wars


Hate and discontent seem to abound recently. Countries fighting other countries, all divided among themselves, democrats vs republicans, state vs federal vs city, rich vs poor, and families imploding within the home; loved ones turning on each other. Are you asking yourselves “what the hell?”, if you are, you’re right, it is hell~and we made it ourselves.

I go into the laundry room to process a load and the knob on the washer just comes right off in my hands. Since I know I didn’t do anything to it (and my hubby is the only other person living here) who could be the cause of this?? So I ask what in the world happened to the washer and he doesn’t know! It’s a freaking mystery. So I begin to ask questions in a very nice voice, but I have already determined several things in a split second.

1. He broke it

2. He just doesn’t want to admit it.

3. He is trying to put me on the offensive so I’ll drop my inquiry.

As we continue on with this sad excuse of a conversation this morning, he becomes louder and more angry (I mean, I am pretty much calling him a liar or a dufus right?) and I finally just stop and say blah blah blah I’m sure it’s my fault, sorry, blah blah blah. At that moment I mean none of this. I’m just wanting to go be pissed because my washer is broke and he won’t admit to breaking it. For God’s sake.

So, I’m standing in the laundry room (doing some Zen breathing) and I kind of step aside and look at myself. What. The. Hell? I do prayers and meditation, practice yoga, study spiritual writings, do constant self-observation to uncover the awesome person under the world’s bullshit…and not only am I pissed, but I’ve offended someone I love BECAUSE OF A BROKEN WASHER KNOB!!  Seriously?? And I am baffled as to why there is so much hate and discontent in the world, and wonder why the world can’t get along and live and let live in the light of everyday joys?

We will only achieve world peace when we become peace in our own hearts and lives. If there is not peace in our hearts as individuals, there will not be peace in our homes. Without peace in our homes there is no hope for our cities, states, countries, or world as a whole. We can pass laws for “hate crimes” but if we carry it in our hearts the laws mean nothing. The hypocrisy is astounding and it begins in our own hearts and homes.

There is nothing in our brains that physically forces us to have a fit when we’re  angry. We choose that. We are taught that reaction. And we can choose differently if we want to.  So I’m going to start practicing a different way. Maybe just be mad and figure out why I am, and what that means, and what I should do to change that circumstance. Maybe I’ll come to the conclusion (again) that I’m irritated about my own behaviour and want to poke at someone else for it. Maybe I’ll even realize a few truths here and there that the guy I love is more important than the washer knob, and that even if he did break it(and who knows which one of us did) him going to work in a good mood instead of re-enacting a scene from the exorcist is what I should help him achieve.

So let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me…Seriously. This is where it starts~go!

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Peace of Mind vs. Piece of Mind


I have struggled for a little over a week now with the concept vs. reality of a peaceful heart and mind.  I found myself  in front of my refrigerator today staring at a magnet I OBVIOUSLY put there myself; and it tells me quite clearly that peace does NOT mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work, it means to be in the midst of these things and still be calm in your heart.

I may not have actually read this magnet before putting it on my fridge door. I may have seen the word peace and desperately grasped it for what it represented in my mind and put it on the door as an announcement of some sort. Maybe I thought to use it as a “keep of the grass” sign. You know, “I intend to be at peace at all times so don’t piss with me okay?”, that kind of thing. Anyway, all has gone so well and I felt that I had achieved a few things that really moved me forward, and then a week ago…life became very irritating. Everything felt hostile; work, home, my own thoughts. My inner dialogue was controlled by my evil twin sister, who loves to blow everything out of proportion, prefers to stomp those first who would stomp on her, and assumes she is the only one who ever does anything and is a victim of circumstance. Blah, blah blah, she can be such a dork. On the good side, she is so ridiculous that her thoughts are a wonderful indicator of where I need work. A LOT of work. So today, in front of the fridge, reading a magnet (obviously for the first time) I see that I have not truly been at peace these past months, I have been hiding behind the concept of it.

The truth is, I really want it. The peace of mind. The peace of heart. The ability to be calm, and loving and hopeful in the face of anything. When somebody is yelling at me, or misrepresenting me, or trying to use or abuse me in some way, or I don’t achieve or get what I want, or life just seems momentarily to suck~ I want to have that balance of love and hope and peace that makes every day worth getting out of bed for.

I want the real thing. The complete loss of peaceful mind that I experienced this past week made me see I didn’t really have it at all! So I took steps to change that today. mindful breathing and prayer and meditation on a daily basis. Wearing the t-shirt doesn’t make it so. I had to go into the mad and disappointment and sit with it awhile. Feel it and hear where it came from. I had to see where I had tricked myself and be honest enough to admit that I had been hiding behind a mask of peace (all the time fighting giving everyone a piece of my mind) when I could have been doing the work needed to actually be peace. I want to be a refuge to myself and others. For real.

I know I’m not the only one searching, struggling and hiding behind…so reach out, I’m here, Namaste ❤