You Can’t Handle The Truth aka Kiss My Ass

Drop the masks for just a minute.  Quit pretending to be socially acceptable, to blend in, to accept the inevitable, to not be mad as hell that this is all there is. Because it’s not.

I’ve spent a lot of time today, between working and losing my marbles, thinking of how ridiculously difficult we make our lives. Complicated, yes, life is wonderfully complicated. We, however, make it RIDICULOUSLY difficult. Because we think we’re supposed to?? I’m not sure exactly where that plan comes from, but it is seriously bullshit.

It is an honor to be alive, a gift, a treasure. The way some of us tolerate misery in our lives is what I imagine being gut-shot in an old western movie, and being left to die slow-must feel like. Or maybe cutting off our own arm with the dull edge of a butter knife. Good grief and we perpetuate this way of living like it’s a religion.

Give me a break. Guess what? It’s not okay for somebody to treat you like the uni-bomber, or some lower form of life, or in any way at all less than themselves.  It’s not okay for anyone to demand an explanation for who you are when they haven’t invested any time in getting to know you. You do not have to defend the truths you believe, or explain your desire for knowledge to anyone else’s satisfaction but your own. You do not have to allow anyone to label you according to their own limited judgement, let those hideous things fall right off and move on.

Unless you are caring for a beloved child (which is an entirely different blog for later),  stop the madness. You don’t have to run yourself to death taking care of anyone else.  Like the stewardess (excuse me flight attendant) says~please put the mask on yourself first, so you can have the ability to then assist others.  For God’s sake.

Ladies and Gents,  you cannot possibly give anyone the best you have when you think you are not worthy of respect. When you don’t have self-respect. When your standards are not high enough to pick yourself up out of the shit others lay on you, you cannot elevate others to a new level of life.  To be able to reach your hand down and help someone else up~you’ve got to be standing up by your own power to begin with!

I am appalled at my own acceptance of less.  I am offended by my own lack of spine when it comes to treatment I obviously deem acceptable. I am so ready to kick someone’s ass when they treat a friend poorly, yet I swallow insulting and mean-spirited words and behavior…what? because I think I must?? Oh. Hell No.

I have seen emotional manipulation at its worst. I have experienced truth being turned into a farce of perception that is worthy of a reality show. I have felt intimidation at it’s highest levels.  I’m done.

The people who refuse to “sugar coat” the truth are asking for license to act like ass-hats, and talk to you like a mongrel dog. It is more than possible to speak the truth to someone with a grace that leaves them with their human dignity intact. It is possible to share your needs and hurts and confusion without shredding the self-esteem of another.

Unless, of course, that is your intention. Then, as I stated clearly in the last paragraph~you are an ass-hat, and need to be schooled in the art of being human.

And for the moment…that’s all I have to say about that.

Masks We No Longer Need

What I most want to bring to the world today is…me. Just me without all the labels I’ve acquired over the years. I want a clean slate, a fresh start, a do over. So I’m going to have one, or maybe more. I’m going to do-over until every word I speak resonates with the kindest truth, every effort I make is done with the most genuine love for me/you/the world. I’m going to  grow stronger and more understanding~letting go of what no longer serves me, and situations where I am unable to serve at my highest level. I’m going to grow more courageous and leave behind all the “should”ing on myself I’ve become accustomed to punishing myself with.

I dwell in the midst of circumstances I find appalling until I feel like I’ve learned my lesson in that place. I don’t allow myself to cut and run when I want to, I wait, and ask myself…”what arrogant part of me has been buffed smooth by this”? I’ve taught myself to change the thought of hating something to accepting that it’s a step in the right direction, not my destination, so there is no room for hate~and no cause.

I was disappointed earlier this evening by learning that the cost of starting school for a wellness coach certification was just straight more than I could do right now with my family happenings. I let myself wallow in depression for about 20-30 minutes before it overwhelmed me so I hopped on the tread climber and burned away calories and sadness for an hour.

So many masks over the years, so many roles I play along with everyone else. This big ridiculous drama, that should be an adventure, this black and white silent film that should be in color with surround sound, is coming to a close. It’s time for me to take a bow and step up. I will find a way. I will start training no later than September of this year. I promise myself this. I pinky swear myself, and I know I’ve got to keep that shit.