Beloved Family


I create my own family. I don’t know when this began exactly, nor does it matter, but every so often I find someone (or the universe places us just so) who I need to bring into my heart. I have a radar for those people who have been waiting for me to adopt them so we can save each other, just a little bit, from the smacks in life. There is really no rhyme or reason to it, I mostly imagine two souls recognizing each other and clicking together like little magnets that have just been searching for the right moment to complete the connection and then continue to grow together.

Now, I must admit, I have made the mistake before of recognizing a heart that has been sadly lacking in attention, and respect and proceeding to forcibly adopt someone who was not at all wanting to be loved on. Lol, I laugh only at myself and my exuberance. I can be an overwhelming force when I feel called, and not all people want to be saved, or feel they need to, from a lack of affection or respect. I see what I see, and I act accordingly, but sometimes I have to tell myself that people grow at their own speed, and their needs and openness to love change as they do.

I hope not to be misunderstood in this~I don’t think I’m any great anything to help the world at all. But I do what I do, and I am what I am, and I’ve learned not to apologize for it. I recognize who belongs to me, belongs in my life, and belongs in my heart. It can be less than five minutes in their company and they become mine. Part of my family, part of my heart, and part of my life. Even if I see them rarely, or don’t get to spend the time I want with them, I will defend them and support them in any way I can because they belong to me. And yes, I will tell you up front, my love is blind and it is proud I am of it. They are mine through their weaknesses, their struggles, and their glories~it matters little to me. I am proud of them through it all.

I am not invincible, there are the very few who have smacked me back enough, or prefer to keep such distance that I either can’t get through, or quit trying out of respect for their need of what they have. It hurts me, and goes against my natural behavior to honor that, but I am no longer willing to be foolish or miserable at what I consider my failures to connect.

Even with spouses, (especially?) it can be most difficult to maintain or grow common ground when they are wrapped up in their own preferences of behavior, but that is for another blog, at a later date.

With all of this in mind, I express gratitude to the universe for the family I was given at birth, and the family I have collected for myself. You know who you are, willing or otherwise lol. I am grateful. Amen.

 

The Point of No Return


You are not alone. We are in this life together, you and I, although the loneliness that fills our hearts at the crossroads makes us feel very much on our own. It’s a tough place to be; too far along to return to blindness, and too new to being awake to feel very much confidence in our new selves. The point of no return.

More often than not these days, it feels like we are even strangers to ourselves, even though our new self-awareness gives us a feeling of freedom and power that overjoys us. Some of our friends find us a little too different, and don’t really know how to handle themselves around us. Others seem to soak up all of our excitement and discoveries, and run along with us as we go. Sad and happy, fear and courage, doubt and faith. We are so familiar with one side of the teeter totter, and not so much with the other side. It can be a lonely place, even though we stand at the crossroads with many others.

What do we keep in our lives? What do we lay aside? What and who is worth the effort to learn and blend and mend into this new way of being we have found? How do we speak our truths, hold on to our integrity, and keep our hearts open for the miracles? We are brand new and we are raw nerve. We are the butterfly fresh out of the cocoon, wings damp and fragile, colors blinding even to ourselves, and we’re thinking, “Holy Shit!! Are these wings?? I can fly now? WTF??? This totally rocks, and I’m terrified with happiness!”.

Have you EVER heard a butterfly say, “I’m just going to sit here and blend okay? I mean, nobody else is flying right now, right? So I really don’t want to call attention to myself~I AM just a souped up caterpillar after all”?

Hell no.

Hell. No. We don’t pick a road, up we go.

Let’s spread our wings, leap of faith…fly!

FLY.