Lessons In Living (From a Dead Woman)


Sometimes the death of who you are is not dramatic. There is no impact of twisting metal, or fist to your flesh. It may not be a heroic effort gone wrong, or a fistful of pills. It may not be due to an unforgivable drive by shooting, a robbery gone wrong or a slash too deep in your wrists. Sometimes you just watch yourself die; bloodlessly, silently, without a single tear.

And yet you’re still breathing.

You didn’t fight the quicksand as it sucked you down in the fine and infinite grains of sand-made of becoming less-one moment at a time. You let it swallow you as a frog lets itself boil to death degree by numbing degree, unaware of it’s impending demise until it’s too late to hop to freedom.

And you’re still boiling.

You lie with your life, with your words, with your smile, as your soul rests at the very bottom of that pit of quicksand. The dreams you had, along with any genuine laughter are lying right there with you, waiting to rot by your side. You fight the feelings of anger that flare with any false thoughts of freedom or happiness that try to stick to you as they pass by.

And you’re raging still.

You went silently into that good night. You didn’t realize you needed to fight, or set boundaries, or keep balance, or let your voice be heard. You just kept looking good, and sounding good, and making good impressions, and doing good for others, without giving a good goddamn shit that you were suffocating in the pretense you didn’t know to call out by name.

And you’re suffocating still.

This is the moment. This has the future of who you are NOT-hanging in the balance. You are lying, paralyzed, at the bottom of this pit of despair, and you have the power to rise. But to do so, you have to give a damn. You have to be willing to sit up, get to  your feet, raise your hands high, spit the sand out of your mouth and say “No. More.”.

You have to fucking mean it.

Go ahead and practice once or twice before you give the Rebel Yell. Before the world hears the Howl of the Wolf that has been hibernating inside of you for WAY TOO LONG.

You give yourself to Life the same way you died. You walk away from that relationship you walked into, you reject the job you deemed acceptable back in the day, you do what your heart says instead of the dumb ass unacceptable shit you thought you were “supposed to do”. You learn to Tango, to speak Italian as well as your mind. You listen to your feelings as you would listen to a beloved child.

You listen. You act. You live.

And you show others the Way.

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Monsters


No matter what you were told as a small child, there are monsters in the closet, under the bed, at work, and sometimes even in your own family. I would guess the one’s that show up as family are the most painful, because your heart is invested there initially.

Monsters are created from misery, unresolved issues, trauma, and a dash of mean-spirited personality thrown in for good measure. Instead of bettering their situation, or resolving their issues, they “balance the scales” in their minds by tearing down (or at) what is good, bright, and inspiring about another so that they don’t look so monstrous in comparison.

When they take on more than they can handle, they curse you for your boundaries. If they don’t care for themselves physically or mentally, and you do~they call you selfish. They pepper you with phone calls and texts of whining and complaining. They stalk you with criticism, and suffocate you with pessimism. They are emotional vampires.

This being said, garlic and crosses blessed with holy water will do you no good at all. Fighting and arguing are fruitless. Monsters cannot hear the voice of reason or logic. There is only one thing to do with a monster…

You reach into the shadows and yank it out into the light. You look that monster in the eye and say. “No more. You are a hot mess and you need to get a grip or serious counselling.” Then you walk away. You ignore those crazy calls, the whiny texts, the rumor drama, the ridiculous drive-by, and you leave them to boil in the soup of their own making.

The only thing that can reign a monster in, and sometimes even transform them into the loving happy people they were created to be is the ability to see clearly what they have turned themselves into. That gives them a choice. We all get to choose whether to be a master or a monster. Sometimes we have a monster moment, and we call it out and move on. Some people latch on, hug it tight, feed it Wheaties and let it run.

Stay away from those people.

In the meantime, remember these helpful points:

1. Don’t play with monsters, you cannot win, you’re wasting time.

2. Don’t explain yourself. They don’t care. You lose.

3. Don’t excuse their behavior, they’ve got it covered.

4. When they say they’re sorry. No they aren’t. It’s a con.

If you’re lucky, and you see sustainable transformation from monster to decency, over a proven period of time (whatever that may be) then feel free to welcome them back with open arms if you so desire. Otherwise, carry on with your happy self, and send positive energy from afar.

Honor yourself, and your space. Hate and discontent are contagious, and not ready to open to love and joy.

You’ve got this~go forth.