No Words


Five weeks ago, I returned to you with proof that the perfect first date was not myth or legend. I too was astonished at my findings. After two weeks of what my brother called “power dating” I’m sure you’ll recall that with as amazing and exciting as that was, I was looking for reality to edge it’s way in so I could see how well we handled its intrusion.

It’s good to take the time every so often, in any relationship, to revisit and revise based on what you’ve learned. Especially in the beginning when your heart is so open and easily led by joy. I want to check where I am, see where I’ve been foolish, selfish or wise. What do I need to see differently; what do I need to know?

Is that a red flag? A white one? Or just a weed that needs yanked out by the roots?

I need these times because (gut honesty here) when I’m with him all I can do is smile and feel the wonder of being with someone who will pull me to my feet to dance in the living room, reaches back to take my hand so he doesn’t lose me when we’re out, wants to know what’s going on in my head when I get quiet, and melts my heart when I walk in the room and he’s in front of the Keurig with the makings for coffee he doesn’t drink.

Last week I had a moment when I face-planted into a mistaken assumption I held to be true, tears were in my eyes and I had to excuse myself to go to the rest room and…rest. My experience being what it is, I rarely cry in front of anyone. So I’m in the ladies room, staring at myself in the mirror with new eyes that have tears just rolling out of them, and a woman comes in and touches my shoulder. Our eyes meet in the mirror and I wonder out loud…

“This is a stay or go moment. Am I going to be foolish, selfish or wise?”

My new friend pats my shoulder and tells me I’ll know what to do when I get back out there, so I do. I have questions, but the men I’ve known react to tears by backing away, getting defensive or ghosting altogether. I’ve told you before that I’ve yet to meet the guy who’s strong enough to hold a woman when she cries, especially if it has anything to do with him, but it looks like I may have found one.

We talked for a bit, I asked the questions I obviously should have, and I learned what I needed to know for the stay or go moment. Those of you who know me are now picturing the fist fight going on in my head as it does when something is important to me. It was pretty vicious for a moment or two, and I teared up again.

I have no intention of falling in love by myself. I refuse to let that happen.Then, instead of pushing back, getting defensive or ghosting to safety, he did the most astonishing thing I’ve ever seen…

He leaned in, and talked to me.

My head got quiet, my heart started beating again, and they both whispered one word…

Stay.

 

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