It happens if you’re very fortunate, that all of your accumulated “lessons” from your shit decisions are revealed to you all at once, wrapped in a big ass bow surrounded by grace, which is by its definition completely undeserved.
I taught myself at a very young age to forgive immediately anyone I felt had harmed me in any way. I found that I was able to find joy in life easier by letting go and understanding that the more free and generous I was in redeeming the behavior of others towards me, the more the universe would be pre-disposed to offer the same to me.
I have not, until recently, offered myself the same kindnesses and it has taken a horrible toll as a result. I have found that people walking all over me were merely following my footsteps, kind of like the saying that people learn how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.
If I don’t care enough about myself to eat, or rest enough, or exercise or balance work with life, or have fun or set boundaries for how I’m treated…why would anyone else care? And if they did care, why would I let them? If I put everyone else’s well-being in front of my own, why wouldn’t the rest of the world do the same? If I act like I don’t deserve better, why would anyone else believe I do?
If you’re brave enough to raise your standards, the first ass you kick is your own.
Do it, and the world will follow your lead, or fall away.
Both are to your benefit.