I am in an oddly happy place now. Odd to me in light of the circumstances, experiences and emotions of the last 3-4 weeks. It has not been pleasant or entertaining to be me. Had someone been foolish enough to attempt to steal my identity, I would’ve let them and just hopped in my car, changed my name and started a new life somewhere else.
Alas, I take myself where ever I go, so I had to absorb a few things instead.
I’ve learned there is a big difference between emotional intelligence and emotional fitness. The intelligence I have, the practice of applying it, not so much. Knowledge is no good to me if I don’t put it into play. That just makes me a target, an enabler and a fool.
I can keep the soft spots in my heart without allowing them to be weak spots.
I’ve learned that boundaries don’t mean I’m holding myself back. They are an indication that I’m holding myself sacred, that I am willing to protect what is valuable from those who have not proven to understand who I am. Love, or even caring for another, doesn’t mean I have to say yes, sometimes it means I need to say no for both of us.
I respect myself enough that you have to do the same or move on.
I’ve learned to see my work as an investor in my life and not the reason for it. It doesn’t define me, or draw from me anything other than the desire to give my best and let it go when I leave to enjoy the rest of my day. I don’t worry about it at night anymore, nor am I exhausted from fruitless attempts to intervene and steal another’s lesson that is theirs to learn.
I recognize that as a type of ego/arrogance now. Each of us reap our own rewards.
I’ve learned to ask questions until I’m satisfied with what I know and understand about any given thing. If you think that indicates a lack of intelligence, I’ll let you field that boomerang you just tossed and leave it at that.
When I see/hear judgement and unkind behavior, it just clears my vision. I see you.
There is a mountain of shit I no longer carry, and I’m in an oddly happy place without it. So in that annoying way that always made me want to slap someone when I heard it myself, I am grateful for all of the repetitive kicks in the ass that brought me here.
The fist fight in my head is over now. I win.