Sometimes thoughts I’ve learned to let go of come back to whisper to me. A phrase or song or mannerism will bring me a good memory of something that makes me open up to it for a moment, just long enough to usher in the trash that came with the whole package.
I’m at a place now where I can usually sigh and shake my head at the foolishness of the much needed lesson and move on. Usually. Every once in a while, if I haven’t focused enough on what truly matters to me, it lingers throughout the day like a nagging little voice in the background, a hot and irritating breath at the back of my neck that makes me want to swat something and be left in peace.
It’s like my life gets slightly out of focus again for a little while.
I know that to reject anything means I might as well chain it to me and jump off a bridge, so I’ve learned to let it whisper all it wants while I remind myself to be thankful that I’ve experienced something that by its contrast taught me that I wanted the exact opposite in my life. I know now that focus on what I’m creating for myself will silence the foolishness.
If that doesn’t work, I pull the plug and do a hard reboot.
I shut the phone off, cook something nice for dinner, write a little, grab a good book, a glass of wine, take a bubble bath and tuck myself in bed. I sift the bits of good out and say thank you. I hold all the ugly for a moment and look it in the eye so I won’t forget what it looks like the next time it comes sniffing. I let it out the back gate so to speak, without feeding it, and turn to welcome its exact opposite with open arms.
I’m a skilled driver on memory lane now… I see the view and avoid the cliffs.
I’m fortunate to have this kind of clarity now, I know. Things that used to blindside me just call me to take better care of myself for a bit. I know where to put my attention, what I have to offer and the gift of it by doing so where it makes the most difference.
I’ve learned to stop, spoil myself a bit, sleep sweet and start over in the morning.