I have to be forced to change my behavior. I have to learn after multiple failures at any given thing to admit that my method isn’t getting me where I want to go. I have always listened to all the advice and gone my own way, much to my detriment. To date, I have been stubborn and contrary enough to listen with apparent respect and do the exact opposite because I don’t like being told what to do. I took some pride in that.

Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is putting knowledge into practice.

I am in awe of any human being who has taken their suffering, their life’s lessons, their failures and the injuries inflicted upon them by parents, bullies, or life circumstances and used them as fuel to transform themselves and give to others. It is a miraculous thing to me when I see this kind of life in action.

The ability to choose wisely for yourself is a super power.

One person choses to share, uplift, train and strengthen others to give the world more heart. Another choses to undermine, weaken, belittle and disempower.  The first is an act of contribution and expansion, the second is an act of building false significance by destruction. Both can appear to be the same on the surface.

Oh, my darlings, they are not.

I’ve heard it said that there are two ways to have the tallest building. One is by building it with your own hands, the other is to tear down all the other buildings. Destruction is the easiest and quickest way and indicates a lack of character.

When I realized I had behavioral patterns I needed to change to become my best self, I began looking more closely at my choices. I learned what should have been obvious. It is not wise to take financial advice, life instruction or model my patterns from anyone I wouldn’t trade places with. If I want to grow better in every area of my life, I must choose a model/mentor that I admire for having what I want to build for myself in a manner that is consistent with the integrity of my heart and mind.

Not just someone who talks a good game.

So I began anew. All of us are flawed, so perfection is not a requirement for me. I have begun to read about, listen to and associate with those who have learned to build from nothing to be healthy, wealthy and wise in the ways of compassion and contribution. Flaws and all.

Save me from the false perfection and ego of the “gurus” building their need for significance by breaking the spirits of those who follow them. Give me instead the broken that have chosen to rise, the broke that have raised themselves up by offering more value to the world; the ones that lift us all by the manner in which they lift themselves.

Now that’s an example to follow when you’ve lost your way.

Me? All I have to share is my story. What not to do, where not to go, when it’s not wise to give, when it’s best to love at a distance for your own well-being. I can point out where the land mines are and what roads have no bridges to take you to safety. I can spot a con, a hidden agenda and the quickest way to a downward spiral.

If you need to know any of this, I’m your girl.

I can’t wait to have more to offer you, but I am in training my friends.  I am guarding the gate of my mind and filling it only with good and valuable things. I am holding those precious to me very close and choosing carefully who I will listen to. Someone once told me I had no right to offer advice to anyone, and I beg to differ.

If I see someone standing in the road ahead of me, engulfed in flames with skin blistering, waving me in another direction? Yeah, I’m going the other way. That’s critical information to have as you travel through life.

There is much value in failure. I am an expert in that field. I have references.

Keep your mind open, but guard it against poisonous thoughts and attitude. Keep your heart open, but give it wisely. Make sure the thoughts you think, the people you heed and the actions you take are leading you to become your very best self.

Humble advice from the girl in flames.