Not The One


I need to tell you this. I am not the one for you.

I am not physical perfection although I wear the years of my life as gracefully as I can. The scars I carry are proof of the parts of my life that matter most. I survived shredding my arm through a window at age five. I lived after being hit by a car at age ten. I thrived giving birth to my son via emergency c-section. I walked away from a wreck that should have killed me and everyone in my path.

I’m proud of every mark I wear that shows I won the fight.

The glint of silver in my hair and the twinkle lines finding their way beside my eyes are just a manifestation of the tears and laughter that have carried me to this moment.

Proof of life.

I am not the one for you.

I don’t know how to give my heart just a little bit, or love from the shallow end of the pool. I can’t give myself to another, and then someone else just for kicks. Loyalty matters to me. Integrity matters to me. How I feel about myself in the morning matters to me.

My life is not a game, it is a gift. That is how I see it. When I love someone, their struggle becomes the thing I support. Their well-being the thing I uphold. They will never feel unloved or unworthy due to any action of mine.

I am not the one for you.

I am the one that will weather every storm when I love and am loved in return. If I give with no holding back or hiding, I expect the same in return. I am not jealous, but have no problem forcing a stand down if someone doesn’t recognize an obvious line of decency drawn.

I believe in treasuring a heart that is given to me in trust. I will shelter and protect it from anything that threatens. I will be the tree that bends and twists, losing leaves and limbs, but stays rooted and strong in the face of anything that comes to call. No one loving me will be without me standing in front of them when the shot is fired. That is who I am.

I am not the one for you.

I am not frivolous or vain. I don’t need the attention of anyone public or private to give me a sense of worth. I don’t need to be anything other than myself. A woman who loves fiercely and fights relentlessly for a loved one.

I don’t need to be famous, or best dressed, or most popular. These things are just icing on some cake, not part of who I am. You have to see this and know this truth from the place where you are right now.

I am not the one for you.

You don’t know me. You can’t see me. I’m not a game to be played, I’m beyond your reach.

I am not the one for you.

 

 

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