Pre-leaving a relationship: straight talk


I have bouncers lined up for my funeral. Two of my very best friends are under strict instructions to ban anyone they hear lamenting my passing with “I wish I would have”s.

Having “almost” died several times in my life, I have a fine appreciation for how fragile life is, how fleeting joy and misery both can be, how important it is to speak the truth instead of the accepted bullshit of day to day living.

There is no day to day, we only have now. 

So it is with those men or women who exclaim with the break up  of their relationships…”If he/she only would have told me…”. That is complete and utter crap.

The truth is, you wouldn’t have done a damn thing different. You would have blown it off, ignored the warnings, disregarded the writing on the wall. You would have assumed it would go away, and that no repercussions would occur from your lack of effort.

Guess what? You’re wrong.

I know this for a fact. I have tested this theory. I have said bluntly, and with no sugar-coating: I am unhappy. What I want from you is a partner, a friend, a companion and a lover. I am willing to be the same to you, if you are willing to give the same 100% that I am willing to give.

Our lives are proof that you put yourself first every time, that what you want for yourself supersedes the needs of us as a unit, that the rest of us are merely supporting characters in the life movie of you.

I find it quite amazing to learn that the others are always astounded when their partners leave. Seriously? You had not even one clue? You are totally side-swiped because your relationship was all you wished for and the other has just left with no warning?

No. I think not.

You chose to ignore, to neglect, to believe that it would be much easier for us to stay and tolerate the status quo than it would be to actually give a shit and invest in your relationship.

So here we are.

This is what goodbye looks like. This is your reward for blowing off the feelings of the person you were so “committed” to. This is what happens when you say “you’re too sensitive”, or “you’re the one with the problem”, or “I’m tired, you’ve got ten minutes to say what’s on your mind”, or “you need to get a life”.

Guess what lover? I’m getting a life. And you’re not in it.

I am so tired of the bullshit of self-deception that most of us perpetuate in our relationships. Negligence isn’t okay. Verbal abuse, lack of intimacy, and complete disregard for your needs or wishes is not fucking okay. Who cares what people think, or what you think you’re supposed to do when your soul is rotting from the inside out?

You are not a dramatic, fucked up little mouse, incapable of choosing your own path. You. Are. Not.

You need to get your ass up, square those lovely shoulders, and step up into the human being you have a right to be, with the life that accompanies said stepping up.

God dammit, live the life you’ve been given.

Aren’t you sick of being told there is something wrong with the way you feel? Or that you’re weak and spineless for being honest about what you need and expect from a relationship? Or that everything is perfectly fine, and you are just fucking neurotic, or crazy, or insignificant?

Fuck that. Fuck them. Long live the Queen.

I beg you…step up and rock your own world. ❤

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